I started this daily practice of drawing self portraits in 2018. I was alone on New Years Eve, and I was healing from a concussion. I hadn’t made any art in a long time, and I was working on reconnecting with myself and my art practice. The idea of daily self portraits came to me because it required only paper and pen, and it would be fairly easy to maintain since it took little effort and I didn’t have much strength or energy for a couple of years while I was recovering.

I realized later that there is so much more to this practice that I intuitively knew. It’s about self discovery, truly seeing myself, knowing who I am, and loving myself completely. It’s about figuring out how I fit into the world, what my souls purpose is, and how I can help others love themselves. It’s allowing me to see progress and build momentum, even a small action accumulates when you do it every day. I began to trust myself to show up for myself, and this led me back to making art again.

I started this practice using pen because it’s literally what I had in my hand at the time. Pen presents a challenge because you can’t correct mistakes. Every mark that is made is seen. There is something honest and authentic about this that I love. It’s the same in life. Every decision we make and every experience we have leaves a mark on us. It’s not supposed to be perfect or pretty, it is a practice and the things I learn through the process are more important than the outcome. This is me. These are the marks I make. This is who I am.

One year, I added watercolor to the drawings. I got to play and be free with color and shape in a way I haven’t been before. I went with what I was feeling that day. Right now I’m back to single line pen but I may choose to revisit watercolor or another medium in the future. I don’t put too much pressure on myself with this practice, and I feel free to adjust or make it what I need at the time.

The goals were routine, patience and self love

It’s how I’m showing up for myself. Being present with myself in the moment.

It’s an inner monologue. It’s too hard to keep inside. These are things I think or feel. I’m either talking to myself or someone else.

I’m playing with past and present versions of myself. Trying to learn and grow from the past as much as possible. I take the lessons and move forward.

Looking back at them all, I can visually see the times I was struggling. The drawings weren’t fully blind, I would end up looking down at the page and rush through it. Because of this practice, I could see that I was afraid to show up as myself, I didn’t feel enough, and I didn’t like what came out on the page so I was trying to make it “good.” But when I am in a good place emotionally and really seeing myself without fear, I trust the process and draw the portraits fully blind, and I love how weird and wonky they turn out.

I still have resistance to doing it this practice. Even after all this time, even though it only takes a minute. But it is rewarding to see the quirky drawing when I’m finished. It’s nice to look myself in the eyes after the day, to have a moment where I just look and don’t think, and connect with myself.